You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
