How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize