Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
