Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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