I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
