Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
