How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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