Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
