Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
