Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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