Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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