Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
