my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
