Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
