I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
