My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
