My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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