I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
