On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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