How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
