"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
