worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
