My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
