Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
