i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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