i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have aggressive nipples.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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