we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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