FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
