google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
