He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Green mimosas i think yes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
