wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
