I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
