Actions speak louder than pants.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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