sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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