OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize