How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
