Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
