saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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