Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
