I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
