i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize