careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
