3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
