I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
