Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
