thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
