You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
