New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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