he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
