i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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