im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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