Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
