you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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