Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
