i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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