My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need water and some morals
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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