i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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