dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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