It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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