Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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