I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
