it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
