my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
