It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
