My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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