Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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