Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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