You're my little dorito
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
