working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
