Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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