I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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