I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
