Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
